FORGET FEEDBACK...DO THIS INSTEAD!
This past week, two of the leadership programs I facilitated focused on the topics of giving and receiving feedback. In one of the sessions, a participant observed that the term ’feedback’ is often automatically viewed as something negative. Knowing you are about to hear feedback can create a sense of avoidance and/or fear. Even if you approach it with a growth mindset, it can still be tough to hear and process feedback.
One leader suggested using ‘feedforward’ to emphasize future growth and opportunity. You can also adopt what software engineers using the agile method refer to as a ‘retro,’ to look back over a time period and assess what went well and what can be improved.
A search for the definition of ‘feedback’ provides the following -information about reactions to a product, a person’s performance of a task, etc., which is used as a basis for improvement.”
One-sided ‘feedback’ can feel punitive and de-motivating. What if we removed the word ‘feedback’ from the vernacular and replaced it with ‘conversation?’ Having a conversation with someone implies a dialogue rather than a one-sided delivery of someone’s opinion. Imagine your supervisor saying, “Is this afternoon a good time to talk about the presentation you gave this morning?”
Simply replacing the term ‘feedback’ with ‘conversation’ may reduce the unintended stress response of getting ‘feedback’ from your boss. We know from Self Determination Theory that autonomy (the belief that one can choose their behaviors and actions) is a universal psychological need for growth and motivation. A conversation (open dialogue) enables both individuals to contribute and be part of the solution to an area that needs improvement. Being told what we need to do to improve our performance (and how to do it) diminishes our sense of autonomy and can reduce our intrinsic motivation.
It is also important to provide balanced feedback in these conversations - what went well and where there is an opportunity for growth. While there are many strategies to effectively provide feedback (oops, I said it again), these are my top three:
Ask for permission - is now a good time to have a conversation about X?
Comments are most helpful when they are specific, timely, and direct. Sugarcoating comments to be ‘nice’ can lead to the recipient not hearing the intended message.
Reaffirm your faith in the person. “I’m sharing this with you because I know how capable you are, and I want to see you reach your full potential.”
Next on my list of words we may want to ban… Networking. Stay tuned.
